"False Hope"

The other day my sister called to check on our brother. I was telling her about his apartment and she was worried that I was doing too many pointless things because he will never come back to his place.

She stated that I was giving him "false hope".

Here are my thoughts.
I am sure that after multiple conversations ,very frank ones with drawings my brother is well aware of the finality of his condition .

However, where is it written that dying stops you from dreaming.
Maybe his false hope or stubborness is his dream to ease the long hours of waiting for the week ,the day, the hour ,the minute before the inevitible.

We can all be assured of one thing ,we will be called home someday.
What hurts and what we will miss is the familiar. The family the friends
our pets our prized things that may have bought us joy.

What makes us worry is, will we hurt? will we suffer ?we will struggle for our last breath?.

What makes us sad is knowing that our time to see smiles sunshine and hold on to anything and or anyone that we love is fading to black.
What makes us sad is the tears that will be shed when that last goodbye is said. The pain sadness and sorrow that will be felt.

Our consolation ,we will all be together in God's house or wherever ones beliefs take them.

Our mind may be fighting our body may or may not join in.

I believe we are here on temporary loan alloted so many precious heart beats.
Allowing someone to think and hope and dream is not false hope. People have different ways of coping .
I also understand that some folks are realist like my sister and I know it may seem pointless to clean my brothers place and pointless to do his laundry.
BUT when we go to the nursing home and tell him about our cleaning adventures and how the little kittens messed up this and messed up that he smiles he fusses that I better not put that crock pot in the freezer and he is mad that H&R block charges 40$ for a tax return.

I believe he feels his business here is not done.

Marqus has been distressed by my brothers illnesses and death of the younger one last year. Both brothers had and have terminal cancer.
He is again praying for a miracle .
Marqus has a certain bond with people who are ill.
His mortality is in question daily.
Last year when my 39 year old brother died Marqus was so hurt that his kids would not be able to spend time with him anymore.
He said he could feel the pain of his wife .
Marqus told me he looked into my older brothers eyes and saw the "lonely hospital eyes ". These are the same eyes that Marqus has when you have to be left there alone not knowing if you will see your family again.

We have had our share of pain these past few months.
No false hope just sad painful realities that make us hold on for dear life to every small shred of joy ,laughter, sunrises , nature , freinds ,family the list is endless.

Everything you may think is a nusiance today may be a hope or wish tommorrow.
My brother cooked tons of food with the hope he could swallow it . He loves to eat.
Marqus cried so much this weekend with sadness for lost friends and family . He is hoping that his dreams will become realities before he is called home.

I haven't had time to do much dreaming I've been kind of busy.
But that doesnt mean I dont have a huge smile when I think about that trail ride on ONYX into the sunset.

As Always thank you for sharing my blogs .
Pass this along.
Break the Sickle Cycle www.sickcellsfilm.com

The down side of living , loving ,laughing , is the pain you feel when you have to leave.
xoxoxs